Through The Gate Down Memory Lane
by x snow-pony x
Summary: When Mike finds something whilst cleaning the attic, it leads him to his box of photos of all the kids who have left, and in turn leads him on a journey through his memories.


**A/N So... Linneagb just spent the past three days writing me a story (go check it out, it's called Don't Dream It's Over and it's amazing), and I remembered like a year or so ago (I think, I don't remember exactly how long), I was going to write her a story, and I asked her to send me some characters (Sammy and Penny, remember them, Linneagb?), but because they weren't my characters I struggled a bit to write them and it wasn't that great so I left it as I didn't have ideas and then I left it for so long in the document manager that it got deleted (along with all my other stories at the time, one of which was over 22,000 words! XD), and I just gave up. But she wrote me a story to cheer me up as I've had some tough days recently, so I thought I'd do the same as she's had some tough days recently and also to say thank you for always being there and being an amazing friend that I love so very much.**

 **I was struggling for ideas for this, but I know she loves Mike and I can write Mike well (although not as good as she can and it's not fair XD), but we'll see how it goes. :-)**

 **Mike POV**

I was staring at it for what seemed like an hour or more, but in reality must have only been about a minute.

After all these years I'd only just found it. I'd been cleaning out the attic (a job that really had been needing doing for years), and I couldn't work out why it was still here, because it didn't belong to anyone who was here currently. Then again, I'd found it in a box of books, so that might explain something.

God knows why they were still here.

I picked it up, running my finger along its soft body, wishing its owner were still here. I hadn't seen her for years either, yet suddenly finding one of her possessions made it feel like yesterday that we'd said goodbye. I felt a tear in my eye and wiped it away, missing her just liked I'd missed her for the first weeks, or more like months, after she'd gone.

I just couldn't work out why she'd left this here. I'd given it to her the year before she'd left, as a birthday present. She'd loved it, saying she'd keep it forever and ever, which in no way explained why it was here now, and made me even more confused than ever. Then again, knowing her, she'd probably forgotten it, like she'd forgotten her books.

Forgetting. That was exactly the opposite to what I was doing now. Seeing the little piglet brought back loads of memories, from all of the kids I'd looked after over the years. One in particular, though, stood out from the others.

Tracy Beaker.

 _I sat there as the tears rolled down my cheeks. Tracy was gone, and I knew that I'd never see her again. Of course, I'd known that all along, but now it was actually happening the reality of the situation had hit me like a tonne of bricks._

 _Just then the door opened again, revealing Tracy._

 _"I, um, I forgot my things," she said, a sheepish look on her face._

 _I gave her a smile. With everything else that had been going on with her leaving, and the goodbye we'd just had, it was easy to see why._

 _Tracy went into the office and picked up her bag and her coat, before she turned to me. I looked into her eyes and she almost ran over to me, giving me a tight hug. The hug before this had been much shorter, I guessed because Tracy had wanted to say goodbye before she was unable to. However, this time she stayed in my arms for a minute or more, both of us crying but savouring these last moments._

 _Just as she was about to pull away I gave her one last kiss on the top of her head, silently passing on my love and well wishes, as well as luck for the future. She then pulled away and gave me a tearful smile._

 _"Bye, Mike," she said._

 _I gave her a smile back. "Bye, Trace."_

 _She gave me another smile, before she turned and walked out of the door for the second time, going to start her future, one I hoped would be full of joy and achievement for her._

 _And then she was gone._

I smiled sadly as I remembered that day. It had been hard for both of us. Then again, it had been more of a hard week. I remembered confessing to Tracy that I'd spent the whole week trying as hard as I could not to ask her to stay, as I knew she'd have a better future if she moved on. It had lead to her thinking I didn't care, that no one really cared that she was leaving.

Thinking about that reminded me of a time just before Tee had left, where she was scared to leave because she thought she wouldn't have anyone anymore.

 _Tee had just left the office, having been with me as I showed her my box full of photos of all the kids I'd looked after, some of them before Tracy (who's book cover I kept on the lid due to her special place in my heart), having gone to find Carmen who had been worrying about her earlier when we'd found her paintings burnt in the garden. I took the opportunity to look through the box, smiling as I looked at the photos, tears in my eyes as I realised once again, as I did every time I looked through this box, how much I missed my former charges._

I decided to go and look at that box again, so, still holding the piglet, I went downstairs to the office. When I was there I got the box out of my bottom drawer, put it on my desk, and opened the lid. I sat the piglet down next to the box as I looked through the photos of all of the past kids: Tracy, Justine, Lol, Marco, Rio, Roxy, Crash, Jackie, Liam, Harry, Sapphire, Carmen, Gus, Tee, Frank and Lily to name a few. As I was looking at the photos I found myself talking aloud at the memories brought by the photos, smiling at the happy times we'd had. I found a photo of me and Gus playing the piano together, and, having just thought about the day that Tracy had left, remembered Gus' last night when he'd come down to the office to see me.

 _Gus had just left the office to go back to bed, both of us having just said goodnight to each other for the last time. I smiled and shook my head, knowing just how much I'd miss him and his ways once he was gone, before I went back to looking through some photos of Gus, and some other photos I'd found._

 _Gus' leaving had shaken me up almost as much as Tracy's had just a few months earlier, probably partly due to the fact that it had been so sudden. I'd only suggested the idea on Wednesday and here we were on Friday night, him going to leave tomorrow morning. And, to be honest, it was breaking my heart. I knew I'd miss Gus, just like I still missed Tracy every single day, but I knew that getting fostered was right for him, and I knew I could never stop him from making more of his life just because I'd miss him._

I smiled sadly as I remembered the day Gus had left, before I continued looking through the photos. I then found a picture of me and Tracy, hugging and smiling, the day of her last birthday before she'd left Elm Tree House.

"That was when I gave you to her, wasn't it, Gate?"

Gate.

Why on earth had we chosen that name? Well, actually, at the time, it had seemed quite logical. You see, I hadn't actually paid any money for Gate. Someone had dropped him on the pavement as they walked past, and then someone else had found him and sat him on the gate, hoping someone would claim him. Well, a week went by and then we had a rainy day and poor Gate got soaked, so I decided put him inside on the window seat, hoping that someone may see him, or just come and ask if we had him, and we'd be able to give him to his owner. No use. We waited about a week more before I decided no one was coming for him and claimed Gate for myself.

That week also happened to be the week of Tracy's birthday. I'd seen her stroke him as she passed him going up the stairs numerous times, and, looking at the bit of string he had coming from the top of his head, I had an idea. Tracy was always losing her keys in her bag or misplacing them around the house (mainly on her office desk where they were nearly impossible to find due to the mess she always left), and so I decided it wouldn't be very hard to tie Gate to a ring for her to attach to her keys, as a keyring that would make them easier to find.

 _"Happy birthday, Tracy," I said as I handed her my present. She'd already opened everyone else's, and I'd waited until all the kids had had the chance to see her open theirs and see if she liked them before I'd given her mine._

 _Tracy gave me a smile. "Thanks, Mike." She took the present and unwrapped it, smiling as she saw Gate. "I thought you said you were keeping him?"_

 _"Yeah, I was, but..." I paused as Tracy saw the ring I'd attached, looking at it in confusion. "I made him into a keyring so you don't lose your keys so much."_

 _Tracy laughed, and then went in the direction of the office. We waited for a minute or so before she finally came back, keys in hand, and attached Gate to them. I smiled._

 _"I love him," she said. "I'll keep him on here forever, then I'll never lose my keys again."_

 _I gave her and everyone else a disbelieving look, before we all burst out laughing._

I looked at Gate again, puzzled. Again I couldn't understand why she hadn't taken him with her. I shook my head, before I turned back to the photos. There was one of the kids from when Tracy had still lived here, all smiling and happy. I then remembered the day we'd been hiring for a head care worker, and the kids had asked me if I'd take the job.

 _I left the kitchen, feeling the kids' disappointment at my answer. As much as I wanted to take the job for their sake, I'd never joined this job to be in charge as it had never been something I'd wanted to do, and I wasn't sure I was able to do it._

 _Then again, the kids seemed pretty certain I could, and they were never nice to us unless they really meant it. I smiled as I remembered all the pranks they had set, something Crash had just mentioned to me to try and persuade me to take the job._

 _I went outside to get some air, and to clear my head so I could really think about what the kids had just said. They believed in me, and if they really wanted me, wasn't it down to me as their care worker to do what was best for them?_

 _I sighed. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to do what was best for them, but would it be right for me? I couldn't see much point in taking the job and then hating it, as I wouldn't be able to look after the kids like I wanted to. Then again, would I actually like the job? I wouldn't have to cook, I'd still get to spend time with the kids, and I'd be in charge of decisions, meaning I could support one of the kid's ideas if they wanted something and could make it happen._

 _Maybe I would take it._

 _I decided to go and see Shelly in the office, and, after a chat, she decided I was the best person for the job. I smiled, thinking how happy the kids would be, and how I couldn't wait to tell them._

I had told them, of course, and they'd all hugged me. It had been the best feeling ever, and I also loved the job. That was why I was still here, really. And I couldn't imagine ever doing anything else.

I looked through some more of the photos before I came across one of Harry and Jeff that had been taken quite a while ago, when Tracy still worked at Elm Tree House. Looking at Jeff I remembered the time Ryan had stolen Carmen's file from my car, and I'd temporarily resigned whilst awaiting a hearing. There had been one day when Harry had run away from Ashdene Ridge and had come to my house to see me, obviously missing me not being at the care home. And then, when we'd got back, he'd given me something as good luck, which I was to return to him when I came back to work.

 _As I watched Harry close the door after having given me Jeff, I felt a lump in my throat. All the kids wanted me back, and some like Harry believed I would return, but I was much more doubtful. I knew what I had done had broken the rules in several ways, as I'd taken the file home, then left it in the car, and now someone out there had it and could be passing on all kinds of confidential information, and I couldn't see any way out of it. I looked at the house one last time before I turned and walked down the drive, Jeff in my hand all the way home._

Thankfully I'd got my job back, and I'd been able to return to my job and give Jeff back to Harry. I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't. I shook my head to get rid of the thoughts, not wanting to think about the 'what ifs'. As I looked through the photo box again, a picture of Carmen, Tee and Lily caught my eye, one that Gus had taken when he'd been investigating the fire that time. I then remembered a time just after Tracy had come, when Carmen's mum had wanted to visit her, and she'd been trying to make up her mind about whether to see her or not.

 _I leaned back in my chair after ruffling Carmen's hair. I felt sorry for her, torn between whether to see her mum or not. She moved the leaves around with her stick a few more times before she looked up at me._

 _"What do you think I should do?" she asked._

 _I sighed. "I don't know," I said. "It's up to you, but I think you should see her. She cares about you, and I think this time she might actually want to make things work."_

 _Carmen was silent for a few moments, before she gave me a smile, stood up, and went towards the house. I watched her go for a minute before I followed her back inside._

I smiled sadly at that memory. Soon after, all her mum's promises had fallen apart, and she'd been left here. Then again, having her live here so long had meant we'd grown really close, like how she'd supported me the time I'd left her file in the car, a time I had been remembering only a few moments ago.

I felt really stupid for that now, but the fact that the kids had saved me made my heart swell with pride. And even though it had been Carmen's folder that was stolen, she had been at the forefront of the campaign to get me back.

There was also a time, years ago now, when Lily had fallen off the roof and I'd been suspended. It had been awful, and I don't think any of us would ever forget the moment Lily's foot had slipped and she'd rolled down the roof and onto the ground. Tracy had even told me once that she still had nightmares about that moment.

Tracy.

I'd comforted her at that time, her and a few other people (Gina and Christie to name the most vocal) believing the accident was her fault. And then I remembered another time I'd had to comfort her, the first time she'd actually let me comfort her actually: the time when Cam went to New York.

 _We sat in silence as Tracy continued to cry, the combination of the past few weeks, the events of the past few days, the panic attack and our conversation having taken everything out of her. I was glad we had talked though, as it had enabled her to tell someone how she was feeling, and it meant I would now be able to help her feel less lonely, as I knew for a fact that everyone here at Elm Tree House loved and wanted her. And I definitely did. Seeing her cry was hard, but at least the fact that I was able to comfort her lessened the pain, for both of us._

 _After a few more minutes Tracy's sobs turned into sniffles, and she looked up at me. "Thank you."_

 _I gave her a smile and gently rubbed her arm. "No problem, Kiddo."_

 _She gave me a smile back before she rested her head on my chest again, giving a sigh, one I presumed was of relief and a newfound happiness now that I was here, and now that she wasn't having to deal with everything all on her own. I gave another smile, mainly to myself, as I felt Tracy relax, knowing she was safe and that everything was going to be OK._

 _I hoped that in our chat earlier I'd been able to convince her to come and talk to me, or at the very least someone else who would listen, if she ever had any problems or felt like the world was getting too much, because, despite what Tracy had previously thought about how adults needed to deal with their feeling all by themselves and how her feelings didn't matter as much now she wasn't a child, I knew that that wasn't true. Heck, even I needed help sometimes, and I couldn't imagine how I would have gotten through some of the things over the years without everyone here behind me, supporting me._

There were lots of times that that had happened. One of the most prominent definitely had to be when I thought that I had kidney cancer. I'd been in quite a lot of pain, and Gina and all of the kids had all been really worried about me and trying to make sure I was OK, with Gina finally persuading me to go and see a doctor. I had, and then it had turned out I'd just had kidney stones, thankfully. The care and concern everyone had shown at the time really showed me how much I meant to them, and without their worrying I probably would have had the problem for a lot longer than I did.

Thinking back to the day of Tracy's panic attack, I realised what a difference there had been between her then and when she'd first arrived at Stowey House. She'd been much more open with me, much more willing to share her emotions instead of hiding them away. It was the first time she'd allowed me to comfort her when she cried. Actually, it was the first time she'd asked for comfort from me, having hugged me as soon as she'd started crying rather than waiting for me to hug her. As I thought about the differences between Tracy those two times I remembered the day Tracy had come back from her foster placement, and I'd gone up to her room to talk to her.

 _I'd just left Tracy to unpack. I'd seen her eyes light up when she talked about me fostering her, but I knew it just wasn't possible. I had my job here, and if I said I'd foster Tracy and not others who lived here as well, it would cause chaos. But I'd seen the disappointment on Tracy's face as I said no, even though she tried to cover it up by saying she wasn't being serious. She'd allowed herself to dream, even if only for a few seconds, but being fostered was something she wanted so badly that if anything could possibly make it happen then that was what she wanted, even it meant being fostered by me who would make a "tragic foster dad". And, even though I knew it could never happen, I still felt bad for destroying those dreams._

As I thought about the young Tracy I was still slowly going through the photo box, and my eyes were drawn to someone who had never wanted to show any of his sentimental feelings: Liam. I smiled as I looked at photos of him and Frank as they posed in a photo booth at a service station on the way to the beach the first time Tracy had come with us as a care worker, and then remembered the trouble they had gotten into when they'd set up a car wash in the car park to earn money. Remembering Liam's troublesome days reminded me of the time he'd been in the biggest trouble of all, when he'd ended up in a youth detention centre.

 _As I left the room after Liam's brother Jack had come in and told us about how he was an undercover policeman and how Liam's charge would be removed from his record, I was happy. I'd made up with Liam after a few days of arguing, and showed him I was still there to fight for him when he needed me. I'd known all along deep down that Liam couldn't have done what he'd been accused of, but with all the evidence from the courts and witnesses my judgement had been clouded until Liam had finally told me the truth himself, which had cleared my vision to allow me to see that Liam was right._

 _I stood outside the room waiting for Liam for a few minutes more, before he came out, Jack just behind him. We walked out of the centre, saying our goodbyes to Jack, before Liam spoke._

 _"He wants me to go and live with him."_

 _I was silent for a moment before I spoke, a bit shocked at what Liam had just said. "What did you say?"_

 _"I need some time to think before I decide," said Liam._

 _I gave him a smile, before we walked to the car in silence._

Liam had left only a few days after that to go and live with Jack, the social workers sorting it out quickly as Jack, being a police officer, had already completed most of the necessary checks needed before a child could go and live with him. I looked through the photos again for a moment, before I turned my attention once again to Gate, who I had temporarily forgotten about.

I still couldn't understand why he was here. It just didn't make any sense. I'd tied his string tightly to the ring with a double knot so that he would never be able to fall off. Maybe Tracy had untied the string at some point, or...

The string. It wasn't there.

Suddenly I realised what must have happened. Tracy was constantly fiddling with her keys when she'd worked at Elm Tree House, and the string attached to Gate's head had never looked the strong, but it had always been able to hold so I'd assumed it was fine. It obviously hadn't been though, as Gate was here, probably having fallen off after having been pulled one too many times.

I had to get him back to her.

I got out a sheet of paper, about to start a letter to her to go in the parcel with Gate, when I stopped: I didn't have Tracy's address. I also didn't want to call her as it'd ruin the surprise. But I did know someone who I had the number of that would know where Tracy now lived: Cam. I just hoped she hadn't changed her number.

As the phone began to ring to show me it was connected I felt nervous, hoping with all my might that this was still Cam's number.

"Mike?!"

Obviously she still had my number saved as well.

"Hi, Cam," I said.

"Hi," said Cam. "Sorry about that, it's just, I haven't spoken to you in years."

"I know," I said. "But I was just wondering something. Could you possibly give me Tracy's address?"

"Of course," said Cam. She paused for a moment. "Why?"

"I found something of hers in the attic and I wanted to post it to her," I explained.

Cam then gave me the address and we had a bit of a catch up, before we said goodbye. As I put the phone down I smiled, Tracy's address on a postit note next to me, before I started my letter.

 _Dear Tracy,_

I crossed it out before getting a new sheet of paper. It just seemed so formal for the woman I considered my daughter.

 _Tracy,_

I paused for a moment, thinking of how to start my letter.

 _I know it's been a long time (five years in fact) since we last spoke, but I was cleaning the attic today and I found Gate, who you probably will have already seen by the time you read this. And I wanted to give him back, so I decided to take the opportunity just to see how you were doing._

I paused again. I wanted to get this letter perfect, and so I needed to make sure I thought about everything before I wrote it down, as I didn't want to have to rewrite it several times, or waste several trees' worth of paper.

 _Quite a lot has changed here. We moved house a year after you left, and Tyler and Jody are the only kids left that you met. But we've now got a house full of kids equally as mad as when you were here, giving me grey hairs every single day._

I laughed as I remembered how Tracy and the kids had always liked to mock me for my balding head, and I knew she'd understand the joke.

 _How are you doing? How's the job?_

I paused again. Writing this letter was proving harder than I'd thought it would be.

 _Any news?_

Writing had never been my strong point, unlike Tracy, so I decided to leave it there.

 _Hope to hear from you._

 _Best wishes,_

 _Mike_

I read it through after I'd written it and, deciding I was happy with it, went to get some paper so I could wrap Gate ready to send.

It was a week later that I got a letter back. I was sitting at my desk in the office, when Mo knocked on the door. I gave him a nod to come in and he did, handing me an envelope.

"There's some post for you," he said.

"Thanks, Mo," I said. I waited until he had gone, before I opened the letter. I knew who it was from immediately, as I recognised the handwriting. As I took the letter out of the envelope the first thing I noticed was a photo paperclipped to the top of the page, a picture of Tracy, Seth and a baby girl I assumed to be their daughter. I smiled, before I began to read.

 _Mike,_

 _Thank you so much for sending Gate. I realised when I got home the day I left that I'd lost him, but I didn't really want to have to go back and look for him. Seeing him after all this time brings back so many memories._

I smiled at that sentence: that was exactly what seeing Gate again had done for me.

 _I'm doing well. The job's going great. I've got to meet some amazing kids and see them really grow in confidence, and I'm glad I can make such an impact on their lives. And me and Seth have a daughter, Bella, who you've probably seen in the photo by now. I really wish you could meet her. I bet she'd love you._

I smiled again at that sentence. I wished I could meet Bella too.

 _I don't know why we didn't keep in touch. I think I just wanted a new start and to leave everything behind, but I kind of regret that now._

And then there was a number.

 _Hope to hear from you._

 _Tracy xxx_

I paused for a moment, looking at the photo again, before I picked up the office phone. Maybe I would get to meet Bella after all.

That was six months ago now.

I had phoned Tracy, and we now spoke to each other regularly, sharing news and just generally chatting. And I'd gone to see Bella, and, as Tracy had predicted, she'd liked me, settling in my arms and smiling at me when I held her.

I'm now going through my photo box again, Kazima having left to live in Denmark with her dad only a few days ago, remembering again all the kids who have left. Mo, Bailey and Kazima have all left since I looked through the box with Gate, and I miss them just as much as the others.

As I glance up to the lid, Tracy's book cover still there, I remember that I said to Tee that day I showed her the box, about how when she comes back to Ashdene Ridge, if she ever does, we'll all still be here for her.

And I hope she does, because talking to Tracy and hearing about all her successes has made me realise just how much I want to share in it all with them.

The last word from Carmen and Tee's social worker told me they're doing fine, as is Mo living back with his grandad and his parents.

Then again, I should have known they'd be OK. After all, they're all my kids, all the ones who have left. And of course I know that none of them would let the world beat them without a fight, that they would all survive.

My phone beeps, showing a message from Tracy with a picture of Bella, messages she's been sending me a lot since we got back in touch. And, as I look at it, a thought comes to my mind, one so true I can't help but smile.

I couldn't be more proud of any of them.

 **A/N That actually turned out a lot better than I expected when I started it. I had the idea of the memories and knew it would work, and then I found Gate (who's origin story is true, and that's him on the cover picture), and as I was trying to work out how he got lost I was spinning him round by the string and it fell off, so that was that sorted. XD I really hope you enjoyed it, especially Linneagb, as I tried hard to do things such as slightly longer paragraphs as I know you prefer it when I write like that rather than loads of short lines. Anyway, hope you liked it, please review. :-)**


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